Monday, March 1, 2010

"I'm Just Me"

I had the pleasure of “taking” my wife for the first time on our vacation. For me, one of two monumental moments of our vacation. And possibly for her as well. I have always been a little anxious about exerting physical strength with SugarAnne. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt her or cause her to not trust me.


We had already been as wild as mink in heat for the first couple of days. I had christened the room with a spanking almost immediately. And everyday – twice a day sometimes – SugarAnne found herself over my knee the recipient of all that “these loving hands” had to offer. Passionate “closing ceremonies” usually concluded our "festivities".


The circumstances around the event are not so important, except to say that a controlled madness comes over me whenever I see SugarAnne’s naked behind. I suppose all the guys who enjoy “this thing we do” are booty men. But it all started with a playful spark. Then, as tickling led to wresting, things fanned into a steady flame. We wrestled and wrestled and wrestled some more. Her resisting, me insisting.


I know I hadn't read this article before we went on vacation. Perhaps it was this article that I had read long ago. I might’ve been informed by bits of the book “The Way of the Superior Man” by David Deida which touches on this sort of dynamic. Perhaps it was just primal promptings. But whatever it was, somewhere in the midst of all that rising wrestling heat something inside me said, “I must continue. If I pull back like I normally would, will this woman be certain that my protection is sure?” I had to overcome her efforts. I had to be victorious. The flame blossomed into a raging bonfire. I knew I had to conquer her and, ultimately, "take” her. And “take” her I did. Took her, and made her mine. It ended playfully. And we both basked in the warmth of embers that glowed for the rest of vacation.


Monuments connects us to our past and inspire us toward the future. There are not only a reminder of important events but also instill in us a sense of present and future responsibility. In the “taking” of SugarAnne is the monumental reminder, the heart-felt inspiration and the implied assurance that I could take care of her, protect her and shield her from harm. I think that’s quite a responsibility. And - I think that’s kind of scary.  Understand me, I know that I will try to take care of her with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. But don’t I desire to love God in the same way, and yet, fail more often in that than I’d like to admit? The stink that rises from all this is the fear that I just won’t be able to measure up.  What about my own human frailties and imperfections. I am not without “spot or blemish”, you know. I am prone to an unwise decision, an untimely word, an ungracious act. All of which can have rippling effects. And frankly, there are still the ripple effects of decisions that I’ve made for us that have yet, but are bound, to come to be. Plus, there are so many unforeseen occurrences of life: economic; emotional; physical. Unforeseen occurrences that are way out of my control. Am I worthy to “take”, and then leave this implication of protector? Hm.

I’m geared up for planting seeds of protection from this point forward. That inscription is already carved in the proverbial stone. I’m just not sure I can shield her (us) – us (her) – from seeds of folly sown before we began “this thing we do”. But come what may, I gotsta bring my "A game".

I do know one thing: that may be the Washington Monument up there but I ain't no Denzel.  I'm just me.

2 comments:

  1. Many seriously underestimate the conditions atop Mount Washington. Visitors often arrive unprepared for the stark, blustery weather they encounter above treeline.There is no room for poor judgement and carelessness in this unforgiving mountain environment.

    Given the fact that you are so seriously connecting your obligation to your wife and family to the monumental moment that you liken to Mt.Washington, I offer the above "excerpt for visitors" to the 6,288ft peak that is the highest peak in the Northeast. You're obviously taking your responsibility very seriously, as it is a very serious peak to surmount. There are obstacles in your lives and unforeseen conditions can arise at any time, just like visitors to MT W. But the mere fact that you have thought about all of these things, seems to say that you are indeed up to the challenge. I don't think that your family expects perfection from you. The fact that you are doing what you feel is in their best interest, under whatever conditions you make them under (unforeseen occurences,etc)I'm sure that your A Game is more than adequate.
    I'm sure that your seeds of protection will sprout and be nurtured by you so that they grow into a forest canopy that is strong and sheltering!
    BTW, I read the articles in your post, you must read Overlander! "It" happens in the book.

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  2. Thanks Elysia. I think it is good to believe that "there is no room for poor judgment and carelessness" on "this thing we do" mountain. I helps us HoHs to be continually mindful and to avoid complacency. The parachute that allow us to alight gently should we fall is the understanding and forgiving nature of those we love and protect. Obviously this is cultivated partly through sowing seeds of integrity and love.

    Oh, and, I'm on the fence about Overlander. If you push me again I just might fall into it's pages.

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