It started right before our vacation. We thought it was “Clyde” – our name for her period. We were expecting to “lose” a couple of days of our vacation because of him. We didn’t. “Clyde” never came home. We have not seen hide nor hair of that chump yet. He’s a month late today. I’m shooting blanks – and have been for over 20 years – so I ain’t worried about that. So don’t even go there or I will jump through this LCD screen, slither through your feeble comment, pop my head through your computer screen and pour my displaced wrath out all over your grimy QWERTY keyboard! Don’t.Uh-uh.Justdon’t!
But I AM worried about all of this moodiness, this snappiness and this hyper-sensitivity. It’s not everyday, but over the past couple of weeks SugarAnne's been rising and falling with seiche-like intensity. Just when we got a handle (a paddle’s handle) on this relationship and things are running along smoothly I get this?! Perimenopause? I know. I know. All the dames are saying, “Hmmpff! You get this?!” As you thump your electronic index fingers on my electronic chest in disdain and disgust - not to mention shock and amazement. “You get this?!” Go on, get your husbands, use their chests as my proxy. “But we get THAT!” As you point, with other finger, to a whole list of serious symptoms that accompany this dreaded stage of feminine existence:
• Hot flashes
• Breast tenderness
• Worsening of premenstrual syndrome
• Decreased libido (sex drive)
• Fatigue
• Irregular periods
• Vaginal dryness; discomfort during sex
• Urine leakage when coughing or sneezing
• Urinary urgency (a pressing need to urinate more frequently)
• Mood swings
• Difficulty sleeping
To this point "we” – yes “we” the sensitive me, not only feeling, but sharing your pain (and also grabbing your wrist firmly to put a halt to that thumping on my chest!), “we” don’t have all of these yet. Just the moodines. And least of all, the decreased sex drive (perimenapause does have its benefits in our home, and all I have to say to that is: fuckin’ yay!). But the mood swings – OMG! I’m gonna beat the shit outta this woman!!
I’m trying to get a bead on exactly when to tame this dragon. That is, if the dragon can be tamed. Do I spank that ass on the low? I’ve done that and it’s lifted us to higher – and safer – ground. Do I spank that ass on the high? I’ve done that. And that’s been fun but apparently not at all preventative. Do I just don't spank? That would leave us vulnerable to the intentions of the fatal wave.
“I still love the little girl I'm talking about,
I'm in love with the girl I can't live without.
I'm in love but I feel like it’s wearin' me out"
Who does that song? I don’t know. I don’t even remember what the dang song is about. But the refrain is speaking my language more often than I care for it to be these days.
"I'm in love but I must have picked a bad time
To be in love, a bad time to be in love”
Babyman...what the heck? Be thankful your YOUR moods ain't swinging! I swear there are times I have felt like the woman in the exorcist (head spins 360 degrees)....and from the way Grant looked at me I would say I must have looked like her too. I really think this is an experience you should not be let out of, living with a woman in perimenapause. ;)
ReplyDeleteAsk SugarAnne if she would like you to beat her to death. Her answer will be "Yes...just put us BOTH out of our misery!"
Or, she can try Black Cohosh and Soy...they sell it at health food stores and it might help. Many women gets some relief. Very regular spankings DO help regulate hormone swings too!
Sara, I dont' think there IS a way out. So here I sit. Thank you for your sensitivity?
ReplyDeletePerhaps I'll just beat myself to death ;) I would, but that'd do her no good.
She'll likely take you up on the Black Cohosh and Soy. I'll take you up on the regular spankings. See you at the next post.....maybe.
Grand Funk Railroad,(fyi). You can thank Henry. I was singing it in the kitchen and he looked it up when I asked him who it was. We love the oldies. Now I don't want to speak for Sugaranne, that wouldn't be fair. But I need to be spanked several times during these emotional hormonal times, sometimes harder than normal.For me at the onset, and then again about 3/4 way through it. Henry asks me orI plead for him to spank. (I keep my panties on, he pushes them out of the way-I need that!) He is mostly sympathetic towards my plight, but I need him to be stronger than my emotions. I feel grounded after wards. If I am in physical discomfort, it's a different story. That's when I need extra rest, a cup of tea, for him to do the dishes,etc. It's a different kind of care. I must say, he's got this part of me down pretty well. Ask her what she needs though, don't go by me.Every day there may be a different kind of need. Your post made me laugh at the beginning, but I can feel the pain of your frustration. Be her rock is my best advice. But don't forget to vent on your blog b/c we find it very entertaining! Good Luck!-Elysia
ReplyDeleteThanks Elysia (and thank Henry too).
ReplyDeleteYou're were doing pretty good there for a while:
"Spanked several times during these emotional times" - good, good;
"sometimes harder than normal" - oh excellent, good, good;
"pushing panties out of the way" - oh yes! Check;
"extra rest, cup of tea" - mm hm, yes, mm hm;
"DISHES"?! What?! uh...now wait a minute!
That's what I'll be venting about! ;)
Thanks again.