"Owning Up, Weeding Out and Expressing Darkness"

This State Farm Insurance TV ad has been running in our area. The ad features three different women and a State Farm insurance guy. You could say that these three different women together represent a single woman. The ad also features three guys. It’s clear to understand that the three guys are, together, the embodiment of a single man: the ideal man.



It’s the guys that caught my attention – all played by the same guy (I think). There’s the purple shirt unbuttoned down to here, peering over the rim of his dark sunglasses, foot on the bumper “hot guy” – with his I’m so hot and I know it tone of voice, “W’sup?”

Then there’s the knit cap, unpretentious striped sweatshirt, gently cradling a bunny rabbit, loving smile “sensitive guy”, with his don’t you just love this little bunny tone of voice, “He’s a rescue”.

And finally, there’s the calculatedly mussed hair, tattooed bicep, dressed in all black, sitting on top of car, one boot rebelliously on the trunk “dark side guy”, with his I’m a mystery so don’t try to get to know me but try to get to know me tone of voice, “Yo”.

Whether male and female we are each a conglomeration of different personas. For whatever reason, upbringing, stigma or acceptability, we’re more comfortable with some parts of our selves than we are with other parts. I tend to think that most people struggle with their dark side.

Some women love the dark side of a man (the brunette’s response to “dark side” is priceless isn’t it?) “Dark side ravishes them and taps into their own darkness. With “dark side” they can maintain their “good girl” status while fulfilling their “bad girl” desires.

When me and SugarAnne began “this thing we do”, I often wrestled with my dark side. I struggled with it. My “Domdentity” I call it. I’m thankful for our TTWD “neighborhood” (our combined blog rolls) which has been informative and helpful – not to mention supportive as I experimented with ideas and possibilities as I laid the foundation of my “Domdentity”.

But a just “link-frog” away from our own relatively docile TTWD “neighborhood” is a world wide web that is a veritable whirlwind of titillating darkness of hurricaniacal proportions. Specifics are not important since dark is subjective. What is dark to one is a shining light to another.

In the past I couldn’t get a handle on all this darkness. It became an encephalitic-like bloating that, when reaching its full capacity, would cause my mind to just pop! SFPHUPT! A couple of times I projectile vomited all over your QWERTY little keyboards with some relatively distasteful and uncharacteristically crude unfiltered BabyMan brain matter. Read about the battle royale with Her Royal Sweetness here  (my thoughts) and here (her thoughts).

But over the past few months I’ve had to face front-on my “dark side”. I’ve had to own up to it; weed out that which is not beneficial our relationship; and finally and most importantly, open up an avenue of communication, experimentation (rather than blog vomit) and expression that benefits our marriage and satisfies our souls. That open avenue is an “armor of light” that allows our darkness to be seen – and not dangerously hidden.

Neo Tom Dom said in his "Radical Departure" post the other day, “My relationship with my [wife] is more important to me than fulfilling my every [dark] desire”. He’s right. That’s important.

At the end of the ad the State Farm insurance man commands “dark side guy” quite directly:

“Feet off the car dark side”.

“Dark side”, whether pricked by upbringing or conscience, immediately responds. He takes his feet off the car.

I’ve come to own my dark side. I’ve weeded out some non-beneficial things. And because I’ve opened up avenues of communication, experimentation and expression, I have a pretty good idea of when to ravish rebelliously, and when to take my feet off the car.