"A Developing 'Domdentity'"

I have noticed that sometimes my developing "Domdentity" – if I can coin a phrase (Google came up blank) is compelled and developed by external motivations. For example: Along with laying down rules numbers 1 and 2 last weekend, there was also rule number 3 (not that I’m numbering rules – it just happens to be the third one). On Saturday I explained to SugarAnne (by way of an “information spanking” – another post, for another time) that I had set a calendar notice on her phone to sound off 2 times a day, every day. This would begin on Tuesday. One of the notices, set for 9:00 a.m., is: “The buck (100%) starts here”. This is to be to her a reminder that any task that I may have asked of her that morning is to be given 100% effort as well as completed by end of the day. And I told her that if the task were not completed she would receive a spanking. By mistake I set the notice to go off on Monday rather than Tuesday. And to my surprise, SugarAnne blasted a text message in to me at 9:30 a.m. asking, “What do you want me to give 100% to today?” Since this was a new experience, I had no files on my mental hard drive for her submissive initiative. It was easy to answer the question but initially I caught myself thinking: Huh? Uhh (swallow), hmm let me see? I was not expecting this initiative. Frankly, even on Tuesday I would not have expected SugarAnne to text or telephone or email with said submissive query. I quickly got a hold of myself and texted a response to her. I mentally clicked on “save” and stored the experience in my Domdentity folder to be used at a later date. I named the file: “When SugarAnne has submissive initiatives”. My Domdentity was being developed and compelled externally by her submissiveness.

Other times, I’ve noticed, my Domdentity is developed and compelled by internal motivations. For example: Before SugarAnne and me became a couple nearly 15 years ago, we each had a long and storied history of extensive drug use. We haven’t used, either of us, since we’ve been a couple but she has led on every now and then that she’s kinda hankering to smoke a little weed. And the other night she when she asked for permission to smoke a little, I pulled up my “When SugarAnne has submissive initiatives” file, thinking that that’s what this situation called for. We talked and I agreed with her that she might find it satisfying. I agreed with her that perhaps it would be immediately beneficial for some ailments and conditions that she wrestles with. Here’s where I differed: I personally feel certain that it would eventually be detrimental to her and to our relationship as well. She didn’t necessarily agree. She didn’t disagree. No matter. I let her know that if she smoked she would receive a spanking and be well spanked. My Domdentity was being developed and compelled by something internal this time. Namely, my responsibility to love and protect her. That "file" had already been created. This convergence of external and internal motivations was monumental for me and makes at least one thing abundantly clear: a large – HUGE – part of my developing Domdentity and purpose in this relationship is to make sure that I am careful to look for, to see, to know and to put forth that which is best for SugarAnne. I pray that "file" continues to be the largest file on my mental hard drive as we grow in “this thing we do”.

I am always looking to see if I might be able discern my developing Domdentity. I’m trying to find out where, in terms of mental makeup, I land on the spectrum as a dominant in “this thing we do”. Am I a cold and harsh dominant; or am I a kind and gentle dominant? Am I a firm and consistent dominant; or am I a soft and erratic dominant? Or somewhere in between? Does thinking about all of this indicate over-thoughtfulness? And does thoughtfulness indicate an approximate location on the spectrum?