"Post Traumatic Spanking Disorder"

A simple task, that’s all it was: Call the doctor. Ask him about quitting smoking aids. Why couldn’t she just complete the assigned task? Then we wouldn’t be in this position. It was something that she said SHE wanted to do. It was something that she said she was GOING to do ANYWAY – even BEFORE it was an assigned task. I mean, how easy is that?! Just dial the number! There were other assigned tasks that were quite a bit more laborious than dialing a telephone. Dirty work I would classify them. They were all completed – and famously. But not a simple telephone call to the doctor.

I knew something was wrong the moment I walked in the door. But it didn’t crossed my mind that she hadn’t completed all of her tasks. I have been careful not too overburden her, careful to ease her into becoming more organized – more submissive to me. And careful to ease myself into becoming more direct – and Dominant for her. And also careful that I would not have to administer the dreaded “punishment spanking” before I was capable of administering the dreaded “punishment spanking”.

Well, the first official punishment spanking went badly last night. At least I’m consistent. There is actually evidence of PTSD (post traumatic spanking disorder). Simply little words are triggering it. Words like “lap” and “submit” and “puddle” (paddle) and “skank” (spank). Everyday images are triggering it: a football’s player congratulatory pat on a teammates bottom. Or it just rises out of nowhere, quite spontaneously, to the surface of consciousness from somewhere deep within. After a while the shallow breathing; the anxiety; the dry mouth; the pursed-lipped disdain; the head shaking disgust resides. But it returns. Hopefully with time it will fade away forever. But for now? PTSD: because another spanking has gone badly. Very, very badly.

Maybe I just wanted to get it done in a hurry. Bible study was starting soon and I didn’t want her to be asleep when all the guys left. Maybe I was just looking for tears. I like tears. Tears are good. But I’m supposed to know her threshold by now, aren’t I? I’m supposed to have the hang of this by now – at least you would think so.

When I asked her what was wrong she tried to hide behind the proverbial, “Nothing”. It couldn’t shield her. It was a “something ‘nothing’” – if you know what I mean. I pressed, but ended up letting it go for a bit. Allowing her to fulfill the need to hide in plain sight.

I shuffled through my normal get home routine and, as I encountered them, mentally noted that the day’s assigned tasks were completed. But when I asked SugarAnne whether she called the doctor the “Nothing” was unveiled to reveal the something. And I knew we were at a monumental moment in “this thing we do”. This is where everything began to seriously unravel.

She hemmed and hawed – quite reasonably I must say. I could tell she was feeling like she would be able to get out of it. It had to be done. It had to be done now. I’ve played out the scenario in my mind time after time. I know what punishment looks like and I know what punishment looks like for SugarAnne. I KNOW IT! I know it! Really I do! I also know the rewards – for her, for me, for us! So why couldn’t I pull the trigger?

Yes, she did receive a spanking. And yes, her anxieties and her frustrations and her disappointment in herself were removed. She even says she received what she needed from the proceedings. But we both know there is more to be had. They are few and far between, these punishment spankings – and I’m thankful for that. I guess I'll have to nail the landing on the next punishment go ‘round.

Score:
Technical Merit: 2 (more erotic than punishment in application)
Spanking Accuracy: 10 (good judgment, right time, right situation)
Artistic Expression: 5 (not enough anticipation, scolding, variety)

For now I’ll just have to deal with the shallow breathing; the anxiety; the dry mouth; the pursed-lipped personal disdain and the head shaking self-disgust. UGH! Don’t you just hate “post traumatic spanking disorder”?! I know I do.

I’m a bit steamed I blew an opportunity like this.