"Sugar In My Coffee"

I never had the opportunity(?) to ask SugarAnne the questions that a husband would normally ask his wife when she suggests that he spanks her for discipline. Namely: 1) “Why don’t you have the self discipline to stop yourself from doing the things that you are asking me to correct in you?” And, 2) Why can’t you change yourself without me implementing punishment for you?” (see Elysia’s insightful post here). But I’ve been was thinking: What if, instead of me asking her, if SugarAnne HAD asked me to spank her? I don’t think those would’ve been the first questions that came to my mind – or out of my mouth for that matter!

What comes to mind is a question more like: “ARE YOU FRICKIN’ NUTS?!!”
Or after the shock wore off a gentler, ”Are you serious?”
Somewhere in the midst of the confusion that would surely set in, I would’ve have put her in a dark room, under a hot lamp and interrogated her like she was Lee Harvey Oswald's accomplice:
“Where is this coming from?”
“Who have you been talking with?”
“What have you been reading?”
"When did this come up?"
"Where were you on the afternoon of November 22, 1963?" 

If that isn’t insensitive enough, eventually I suspect, it would all lead to the ultimate self-exalting accusation: “I KNEW you had ‘boots’ baby, I just didn’t know how big they were! That’s really fucked up”, I’d say and then add, “That’s really way the fuck fucked up!” For those of you who don’t know, “boots” are serious “issues”; i.e. “sues” (pronounced shoes); i.e. big “sues”, thus, “boots”: as in “You’ve got ‘boots’ girl!”). There would’ve been so many other questions in regard to such an outrageous request that questions 1 and 2 above would probably have fallen waydown, I mean waaaaaaay down to somewhere around “Questions 67 and 68”.

I’m glad I never had the opportunity(?) to ask these questions as we stood at the threshold of our domestic discipline life. And, if you can't tell,  I don’t consider it a missed opportunity either.

Here’s why:
Our B.S. (before spanking) days were filled with questions – verbal and nonverbal alike – that suggested, “Sugar, think about what you’re doing sweetie?” and, “Sugar, why are you like that honey?” and, “SugarAnne! What were you thinking girl?!” and every now and then a scrunchy faced, “What’s wrong witcha girl?” Each question hung in the air like a dark cloud ready to burst.

Maybe she did “look in” and got answers, I don’t know. But her “looking in” never brought solutions that led to joy and happiness in her life – and in our life. As a matter of fact, as I look back, I see that suggesting that she “look in” to find answers brought quite the opposite effect. First, she would become absorbed in the process. Then she would begin to sink emotionally – the threat of “rain” looming like lurkers in spanking blogs. (Note to lurkers: it's okay to rain comments upon us). This was followed by the “clam up” where all conversation came to a halt. I would then respond with the “overreach” trying to pull conversation (and answers) out of her. Then finally, and predictably, the retreat. She would disappear into another room – and I’d let her – that in itself my own type of retreat. The result? Ahem, “No Sugar tonight in my coffee...” – if you get what I mean.
I’m not suggesting that Sugar doesn’t “look in” for answers. She does. I’m just not the one who sends her there with those types of questions anymore. I’ve learned that it has to be in her timing not mine. (Is that a woman thing?). Otherwise, the natural flow of love and affection between us gets all jammed up while she’s all clammed up.

With TTWD I don’t ask her to “look in” in the way I did in our B.S. days. That just shuts everything down. With TTWD, when I see a problem or need, I have a tool. I go get my tool (even better when I send her for it); and I go to work: I peel the panties back off of that tangerine and, to mix metaphors, I wax that apple so shiny I can shave my face in the reflection. Understand this, I don’t do it to fix her. Uh-uh. I figured out she don’t need no fixing. She ain't broke. I do it to fix the SITUATION. I do it to break open the dam and encourage between us the all-important natural flow of love and affection. With TTWD the floodgate opens up with “Breck mitosis”-like effect; i.e. love tells two friends (communication and respect), and they tell two friends (trust and passion), and they tell two friends (intimacy and sex, and sex...and sex...and more sex),  and so on….and so on…and so on. We’re really weirded out by the fact that it works. We're about as weirded out as I would’ve been had I gotten the “opportunity” to ask “Questions 67 and 68”.

“I'd like to know
Can you tell me; please don't tell me
It really doesn't matter anyhow
It's just that the thought of us so happy
Appears in my mind, as a beautifully mysterious thing”

I didn’t get a chance to ask "Questions 67 and 68". And I'm glad, cuz unlike B.S., there always seems to be Sugar in my coffee these days.

I submit, if YOU get the chance to ask, don't. Just don't. Just go on and do....

...“this thing WE do”. And watch the floodgates open.