"Filling the Gap Between Real and Ideal"

I think SugarAnne is too good to have to settle for less in anything. I really do. I’m not just blowing smoke when I say she’s too good. The woman is financially frugal and materially content. She just doesn’t have a desire for having the most and best of everything. It’s just part of her character. Of course, being the idealist that I am, my desire is to provide her with everything she needs – and well beyond – if it’s within my power. But she is quite the realist. And that is to my fortune. Even if I were able to, she wouldn’t be particularly joyful to actually have all that I desire for her. Like I said, she's a realist. This saves the idealist in me a whole bunch of frustration, failure and sorrow (not to mention money).

I tell our friends (in the words of The Four Tops):

“Ain’t no woman like the woman I got;
She don’t ask for things, no diamond rings”.

It does not escape me that I hit the mother lode. She’s too good. Her realism keeps our stress to a minimum and helps me to relax.

But there’s one area where I refuse to relax. I REFUSE to allow SugarAnne settle for less in a man. As such, I REFUSE to relax in striving to be the man that she needs. The ideal man, no matter how nebulous or elevated the ever-evolving standard may be.

I proposed domestic discipline to SugarAnne but it has had an uncanny capacity for slicing both ways. It has not only helped me see my real self, but has also helped me face myself for real – whether I want to or not. There’s something about "this thing thing we do" – this spanking my wife for unbecoming behavior – that compels me to take careful note of my own behavior. So now, when I look at SugarAnne for the purpose of helping her to bring out the best in her, I am in turn forced to look at myself to make sure I am striving to put into the relationship the best of me. It’s seems that’s the only way, with good conscience, that I could justify this privilege.

We communicate more about stuff now: talking. We talk much more than when we began this new relationship a few months back. Through our little talks we’re getting some idea of who we are in this thing. But her ever-unfolding ideal of what is HoH is also communicated without words. I’m still trying to pick up the different signals of what kind of man she really needs. What is her ideal HoH? She shouldn’t have to settle for anything less.

Of course, she’s not gonna ASK for me to “warm her bread”.  Not with words anyway. She’s learned that lesson already. Heck, spankings hurt. A lot of times I don’t think she even knows herself when she needs a "toasting". But when she does, she tells me in the very same way that she tells me that she doesn’t need the best of the material things. She tells me by being real – by doing what comes naturally to her.

Sometimes the signal is sweet to the soul: she oos and coos and gets “up under me”. Other times the signal is bitter: she’ll have a general edgy-ness or a prolonged snippy-ness. And sometimes it’s absolutely nauseating: complaining and storming out of the house. All these are signs - signals that scream, “Here’s your opportunity to become the man I need you to be!” It may mean that I need to hold her - or scold her. It may mean I need to make love to her. It just might mean I need to “light her moon”.

BUT – the last thing she needs for me to do is fold on her. These are NOT times for me to run away screaming – even if appears that I may have reason to. These are not the times for me to be a hurt little puppy – even though she loves puppies. These are not times for me to her give tit for tat and escalate relational tensions. These are times when she needs to know that I am there, unflustered and purposefully loving her with whatever “application” is necessary (i.e.: if she needs her tushy tanned, I need to tan her tushy – and I need to tan her tushy well!)

Every challenge is her signal and my opportunity to become her ideal HoH: the HoH that she desires; the HoH that she deserves.

My job is to step into the situation that is presented by the signals that are delivered, and strive to fill the need AND fill the gap between the real and the ideal. I’m not there yet but I’m working on it. She deserves nothing less in her man.