Saturday, January 22, 2011
"Hitting 'Pause on Cue"
The “winds”, gusting with a force that is worthy of Dorothy’s last name (Gale), send her swirling about in a hormonal tempest of hurricaniacal proportions. She gets hot flashes, experiences sleepless nights, has hypersensitive emotions as well as heightened senses. All day one day it was, “Ooooh that smell? Can’t you smell that smell?”. I'm like, “Yeah I smell it. It’s called menopause. And it stinks like the rancid fart of a constipated buffalo!”
It’s been kinda like living with a whole bunch of new people. Namely, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloaty and Forgetful (there’s no sign of Itchy, Bitchy and Psycho yet – but there’s still time). According to the ‘net, Sugar is not nearly – I repeat, not nearly – as bad as she could be. At least not yet. And hopefully she’ll never be (there’s some real horror stories out there!) I sleep with one eye open just in case. But as she goes through her stuff, I’m going through my own stuff in response to her going through her stuff. And all of this stuff is tossing our big ole Dd cruise ship around like a toy dingy in a whirlpool with the jets on full thrust.
I don’t have a complete handle on this thing yet (probably never will). And I confess, the turbulence can cause confidence to trickle out of my Domdentity like pee pee out of a sneezing girl. That old doubt from the early days begins to seep back in. You know, doubt about giving instructions and expecting them to be followed. And doubt about following up with the “consequences” – believe it or not.
But thanks to over a year of “this thing we do”, I can at least recognize some (not all) of the opportunities to “help” Sugar to stop, settle down and get beyond when she’s trapped inside of herself. That’s when it’s my time to “hit pause on cue”.
Recently I gave myself a 10.0 on executing when one of those “opportunities” presented itself. Yeah I graded myself. I need the confidence boost okay?! So sue me.
I noticed that Sugar was on the cusp of crippling anxiety the other day. Some unspoken worry had wrinkled her forehead. Her hunched up shoulders betrayed accumulated tension. When she’s like that I feel it’s my obligation as her protector to break in and help her escape. Obligation and Motivation: 10.0
I called her over, disregarding her weak protests (she seemed to know what she needed too). I had her slide her own jeans down and peel back her own panties. How’s that for confidence, huh? Confidence: 10.0
I spoke to her softly reassuring her that no matter how kooky she gets (said in a nice way of course) that I’ll be there for her. I made it clear that I understood what she was going through (to the extent that I could, thanks to the internet) and that I desired to comfort her best I could. Artistic Expression: 10.0
As I spoke to her I began to gently massage her bottom, then spank gently with my hand. Switching to the leather paddle the spanks rose in speed and intensity until they were harder than a cold winter morning. She got all squirmy-squrimy. I dig that.
Yes, yo’boy B’Man is feeling pretty proud of himself. And SugarAnne? Well, she’s “happier than the morning sun” – at least for now. We’re still navigating the waters of these “winds of change”. And we will be for some time I suppose. But it’s good to have the confidence to be able to step up to the plate and “hit pause on cue” to stop the madness – if only for a while.