Thursday, October 7, 2010

"A Word: Praise"

I’m a big fan of ballroom dancing so I rarely miss “Dancing with the Stars”. But if Mark Ballas don’t stop kissing on Bristol (“The Pistol”) Palin I think I’ll have to stop watching. The cat is creepin’ me out! Every time I turn around he’s planting those “soup coolers” of his on the girl’s cheek, temple, shoulder, whatever. Geez, she’s not a frickin’ racehorse, or a show dog for heaven’s sake. And she sure the hell ain’t Jesus. She’s just a person – a person who’s learning to dance.

Check out this post inspiring quote from the book, “The Way of the Superior Man”, by David Deida:

“The masculine grows by challenge, but the feminine grows by praise. A man must be unabashed and expressed in his appreciation for his woman. Praise her freely.”

Yes I know, men grow by praise too (and women by challenge). But when I’m reading for the purpose of betterment of “self in relationship", I’m focused more on what I can do to make things better – not, what can be done for me. And to that end it is important for me to remember to praise Sugar (like they vote in some cities) early and often.

When it comes to “this thing we do” there’s always praise for obedience. Praise for obedience is a good thing (“good girl” – I love saying that) and should always be tendered – and “freely” at that. But I’m not talking about that. In a lot of ways that's (the obedience) just response to stimuli and pain avoidance. Is that real growth?

It would also be easy to attempt to fluff her up with false praise and insincere compliments. And equally easy to fall into the trap of just praising her for what I like about her body. In regard to the body, women can often be vulnerable and susceptible to the innocuous effervescence of empty compliments. Besides, Sugar is too smart for me to get away with telling her “lies…lies…sweet little lies”. She’s more than her body (which, by the way, fits my sexual grid of attraction to a capital “T” – can you say, “Scha-wiiing!!”).

I’m more interested in “loving her up” not pumping her up. Sugar is a strong and intelligent (mind), loving and compassionate (heart) woman of faith (spiritual). And it is the free praise and recognition of all of these aspects that spawns, encourages and contributes to growth of the whole well-rounded person. That's where I want to be in my praise.

I don’t know if Mark and Bristol are in relationship. Maybe Bristol’s thriving under this sort of praise. But if I see him kiss “The Pistol” more than once just one more time, I won’t be able to stop the puke that I’ve been swallowing from week to week from spilling out of my face! (Everybody now: “ee-yew”).

Mark's creepiness notwithstanding, praise is pretty important stuff - especially in a relationship.

7 comments:

  1. I think that goes both ways...and it's important not just for the one receiving the praise but also (and maybe even more so) for the one dishing it out. Every weekday morning, I send BF an email telling him why I love him. I do so for two big reasons. One is to remind him, the other is to remind myself. It's a great thing for me to start my day thinking about him in a positive light, and it keeps me focussed on what IS great about him and what IS working in our relationship.

    I'll admit that coming up with a new reason each morning can be challenging as time passes, but I do so love the reflection that goes with it.

    And I'll also admit that sometimes all my mind can focus on are his body parts...and what I love about them

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  2. Once again, another great post. You sometimes surprise me with how well you understand the female mind, B'Man. It always makes me cringe to see those guys who think the best way to praise a woman is to compliment her body. I always want to tell them to grow up and start thinking about what women really want to hear. Thankfully, TC's pretty good about this as well. Sounds like SA and myself are both very lucky women. :)

    -RW

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  3. B'Man,
    Jake and I read this post together and both had to chuckle. I love your wit and charismatic attitude...and Jake loves your boldness. I would also have to agree with RW, you have the correct way to praise a woman down. Keep up the great posts!
    Tammy and Jake

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  4. devoted princess:
    What a wonderful exercise and gesture. Along with the great things that come up during the day, it sounds like BF is well praised by you. I'm sure he returns the favor. Come back again, you're always welcome here.

    RW:
    "...female mind"? Whooaaaa! Just wait a minute now. As wonderful a compliment that it is, it makes ME cringe. I'm working on it but until I can understand those perimenopausal demonic attacks, do I really understand anything? TC? You there buddy?

    At any rate TC and I aren't any less lucky than you two. You gals are a blessing to us. I love it when you stop by. Thanks.

    T&J..OJ:
    Thanks you two. Over the past few months I've actually learned to keep channel my boldness in less crude (and perhaps more creative) ways. It's great to hear from you Jake. No offense to the ladies but we need some dudes around here. Thanks for reading here.

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  5. yes a lot of people forget to praise these days. Always in search of MORE. never satisfied with what they have achieved...
    praise is important for motivation, development and a sense of accomplishment :)

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  6. Sometimes we both forget to give each other positive feedback--something I will work on today.

    Oh, and I recently discovered that Lynda LOVES for me to praise her body--I didn't really know that before.

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  7. Alujna: There is a lot of wisdom in your words. Thank you.

    Mick: I'm glad I could help in putting you to the praise task. I hope it was sincere and effective. Thanks for the comment.

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