One day the police came to our door. They had found her keys sticking out of the keyhole in the trunk and looked up her license plate number to return them. Consequence.
Then, along with everything she owned, her keys were stolen from her locker at the gym. We replaced what we needed to replace and changed locks where locks needed to be change. Circumstance.
A couple of Sundays ago she, um, well, er, uh, she locked them in the car - AGAIN. I raced out to her location. The old wire hanger trick didn't work (I'm a quarter of a century away from being criminally incli - er, I mean skilled in that area). It just so happens that the friend she was with (whose keys were also in the car) called AAA and the keys were saved. But not until the next day. Um, Consequence.
Interestingly enough, the friend (who doesn't know about "this thing we do" but is aware that I helped Sugar quit smoking with spanking), would ask her, "Are you going to get spanked for this?" You think she might be a little suspicious?
Over the years I've teased SugarAnne every now and then that on her gravestone the epitaph would read:
"B'Man, where are my keys?"
The other day Sugar called me at work. "I don't want you to be mad, 'k?" Long story short of it? She was out on the beach walking her mother's dog and...and...and... You guessed it: she had lost her keys.
Searched high and low said she.
Found not hide nor hair of key.
(Forgive the flash poetry)
Fortunately I didn't have to leave the office this time. She was able to get into the building. I saw her online just a little bit later:
[Chat log B'Man and SugarAnne, star date October 2010: the lost keys]
You there? [several minutes pass]
Sugar says:
I'm here.
B'Man says:
oh...okay.
Sugar says:
I just got back from taking the socks to Scottie. [Scottie is one of our served and loved in need]
B'Man says:
Oh great. That was nice.
How was your workout?
Sugar says:
it was okay.
got through it.
B'Man says:
that's what's important.
good.
i want you to "girl up". i want to settle this key thing right away when i get home.
[she's to be in a skirt and regulation bikini panties which I will peel back like skin and "bake her potato"]
Sugar says:
ok
[she knew the command would come sooner or later. I wanted the benefit of a few hours anticipation]
B'Man says:
do you have your replacement keys on a key ring yet? [she'd made copies after the AAA incident]
Sugar says:
yes. The hardware store gives you rings for free.
B'Man says:
ok
i will order the building key. [an irreplaceable thirty-five dollar key that has to be ordered]
 |
| "Key Pete" magnetic key holder |
Sugar says:
I'm sorry. [self pity]
B'Man says:
i know. we'll be fine. [It's good to have "a key to the pity".]
Needless to say, there was some "weeping and gnashing of teeth".
So far it looks like we may have re-written that epitaph:
"My keys? I know exactly where my keys are!"
Consequence.
Consequence.
B'Man,
ReplyDeleteYou are so stinkin' funny...seriously, my tummy hurts!
Poor SugarAnne! This isn't her fault you know...there is a ghostly key snatcher on the loose. This is just a CIRCUMSTANCE! Really!!!
:)(fingers crossed):)
Tammy
Hey I want a key pete!! In this house its actually my HOH who does this. My set of keys is actually missing as we speak but he is the one who lost them. NOT me. Great post. Made me laugh and Im really cranky today! Hugs Galway
ReplyDeleteI like the way you two are together! I locked my keys in the car one and had to call Nick to come get me, over an hour drive for him. After I called I went back to the car and found the back door unlocked. This was before the days of cell phones and although I rushed back in to call him it was too late. He was on his way. I did what any sane person would have done - I went out and locked the back door and waited for Nick. I ain't crazy. No way was he going to show up and find that car unlocked!!!! That was before spanking and I've still never told him. Hope he doesn't start reading out here now. LOL!
ReplyDeleteYou give SugarAnne a break now. We girls are doing the best we can!!
Hugs,
PK
Hey there bro! :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others - you really are hilarious, you know that? I do feel for SA, though... A person can't help but lose their keys once in awhile. Still, it's good to have spares and know where they are... Sounds like you're chipping away at that epitaph, one key at a time. ;)
-RW
Tell SugarAnne I sympathize (hang her head here) I just had to have new keys made today...again. I am not telling "Dubya" about this post, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteI meant (hangs my head here).
ReplyDeleteI like that key Pete thing; I'm going to have to find that. See how much business you drummed up for them? I think you should earn a commision:)
ReplyDeleteTammy:
ReplyDeleteI’m am so glad you found this funny. Of course I didn’t. Key snatcher on the loose? Yes, now that he doesn’t have residence at our house anymore. My fingers crossed (her behind) too! : )) Thanks for commenting
Galwaygiirl:
Perhaps y’all should get one. If YOU had put your keys on the “key Pete” I’m sure HE would not have lost them. :)(fingers crossed):) Hope you’re feeling less cranky today. Thanks for coming over here.
PK:
You are sooooo hilarious! That’s the funniest thing I’ve read in a while. You should get more than a few retroactive swats (with compounded interest) for that. And take a few for SugarAnne – she could use a “break”.
RW:
Ha ha. Funny me. Losing keys “once in a while” is cute. But twice in a while? Thrice in a while? Quice in a while? Quice?! Wha- th-?! There I go again being funny. : ))
At any rate it made for a quite “cute” correction. I’m sure she wrote a song about it. The chorus goes, "Waahh! Waahh! Waahh!"
Thanks Sis…diggin’ ya.
KellyRed:
I’ve already told Sugar that you sympat-pat-pat-pat-pathize with her. But until you tell “Dubya” about this post she knows that you won’t empat-pat-pat-pat-pathize with her. Go tell “Dubya” so that you might get a few quality “pats” to really “feel” her pain. ; ) Thanks Kel.
SS:
They’re probably wondering why they got such a rush of orders! What if everyone who orders one sends a link to this post? I’ll get paid in “pageviews” and comments! And that's better than Trident gum! Good idea. Thanks for the visit.
B'man I am new to posting to your blog, but not new to reading it. I can't tell you the amount of times I've been head down bottom up over a set of keys .... either lost or hanging in the door. And just like you guys if I had ten dollars for each time I heard "if they are where they are are suppose to be you would have them" then I would be a wealthy woman! I guess it is just one of those things we women have to go through.
ReplyDeleterebekah:
ReplyDeleteThanks for de-lurking to comment. I'm glad I was able to strike a chord that resonates with you. I'm sorry about you getting your bongos banged over this. I guess Sugar's not alone. Thanks again for commenting!
Last year I locked both my keys and my Husbands in the car and stranded our entire family at a pizza restaurant. It took my parents and Husband several hours to get the situation sorted out. The teasing I still receive to this day every time we get a pizza has been punishment enough.
ReplyDeleteSerenity:
ReplyDelete"The teasing I still receive to this day every time we get a pizza has been punishment enough."
Nah. ;)
Thanks for the visit.
Seriously, if I were SA, I'd be making and hiding keys everywhere!!! Plan A, B, C, and D. (And then she needs to give a copy of everything to her mother too!)
ReplyDeleteI can identify with SA, although I do not lose keys.
ReplyDeleteI lose my cellphone - I have forgotten it a couple of times (not declaring amounts of incidents) in hotels, the worst being the time I arrived back in South Africa, with a clear picture of the phone lying on the bedside table of the hotel I had vacated earlier on - in Zambia.
Co-workers automatically reach for their phones to call mine, when I say:"I do not know where my...."
I have had to retrace my steps to shops, doctor's rooms, friend's cars, restaurants etc.
And it seems the harder I try not to lose it, (it can be a costly exercise), the more I do...
Hi, B'man! I read that if you have a spare set of those beepkeys (the central locking type you press a button and the car locks/unlocks) then they can be used from any location to unlock your car! Apparently, if you lock your keys in the car, you call the person with the spare keys using a cellphone, and then get them to click the button on the keys, near the phone, while you hold YOUR phone near the car, and it works!
ReplyDeleteMight be useful info for anyone posting here, as you seem to be drawing many people who do such things!!!! Try it; I haven't been able to test it, as I don't have a fancy car like that! I HAVE to use the key to lock my car!
However, I often have to do a "backtrack" to remember where I left my keys.... in the fridge with the milk once, lol.... call it a blonde moment....
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Oh Sara, oh wise one, always willing to help. : ))
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately there was that ONE key that probably foiled that strategy. I'm sure she thanks you for your effort. While I thank you for your comment.
Raven Red:
You poor dear. It is very easy to predict your future. I don't know whether your "He" (HH is it?) has attempted to tackle this issue. If not, sooner or later I imagine he will. But don't call me. He and I will be in total agreement. Oh, you can't find your phone anyway. ;) Thanks for visiting.
Daisy:
What?! Beep keys! Are you kidding? We stick our feet through the floorboard and run to start our cars - like the Flintstones! We actually have to unlock the door from the inside to get in from the outside. : ))))) Surely I jest.
At any rate, I heard about the cell phone thing (but I asked Raven Red to hold my phone for me and...)
I also heard the cell phone thing doesn't work. It's worth a shot - when we get nice cars. But for now "key Pete" (or a facsimile thereof) will have to do. Thanks Daisy!
Now I lay me down to sleep,
ReplyDeleteRewritten epitaph he doth preach.
If I should whine there's been repeat,
I pray my spares I've managed to key-p.
Kady
PS. JJ is the one who loses the keys at our house, too. I just had to ask him how many of those expensive keys to that old BMW we had, that we had to replace. His memory was selectively fading.... :)
Kady: "BMW? What BMW?" I'm sure it will come to him eventually. Nice bit of poetry by the way. Thanks for say'n.
ReplyDeleteB'Man, mm, mm, mm... Can I relate to this. Only with Lynda, it's not just keys, it's the phone, her purse, her shoes, MY briefcase, etc.
ReplyDeletePoor SugarAnne.I don't loose keys,but I can't seem to hang on to my purse for nothing.
ReplyDeleteMisty
Mick: Just those things?! Sounds like heaven to me. Nevertheless, I'm sure, like me, you wouldn't trade her for the world because so much more is FOUND in her. Thanks for the comment Mick. Your voice is always welcome here.
ReplyDeleteMisty: I understand about the purse. It probably has a detachable leather strap that's better lost than found right in the wrong hands. ;) Thanks for commenting Misty.
As long as you don't lose the children; isn't that good enough? That's what I tell my husband anyways *L*
ReplyDelete