"Woman-Child"

SugarAnne has taken more than a few spankings in the past week. Various kinds. There's been erotic spankings, and maintenance spankings, and punishment spankings. I have broken in (not broken up!) a new paddle – I call it "Weapon of Ass Destruction", and I have another (“the Shredder”) waiting in the wings. There have been more spankings this week than any other week since we began "this thing we do". (Have we gone crazy or what?!) The erotic spankings, of course, are the most fun. They are wild and fulfilling; passionate and intimate. It seems that SugarAnne can actually take a longer and more intense erotic spanking than she can the others. It seems. The maintenance spankings seem not quite sufficient for my needs – I tend to be left feeling there is something lacking. However, they are a very effective reminder for SugarAnne. The punishment spankings seem not quite sufficient for her needs – although she won’t admit that outright – but are a very effective reminder that I am still growing into my role.

It has been a week of discovery. I’m discovering SugarAnne has got kind of a cast iron behind. She’s taking more than I can give right now. And I’m discovering that my will could be a little stronger. She knows it. And I know it. She is more sub than my Dom has grown into to at this point. I am thoroughly surprised by that. We both know that it’s to her “benefit” right now. Just as we both know that it won't be long before her cast iron booty melts under the heat of my hand – and any other implement I choose to use.

Before we ventured into this life I would have characterized SugarAnne as having a child-like fragility: easily broken; characteristically trying to hide her brittleness in peek-a-boo fashion; and thinking it's concealed simply because her eyes are covered. It’s one of the charming qualities that draws me to her. It’s a quality that taps into the “savior complex” part of my mental makeup. But she's not so brittle. That same “savior complex” dupes me into letting her walk away from a spanking smiling too much rather than crying sufficiently. It also leaves me walking away feeling like I could’ve (and should’ve) given just a bit more.

And the reality is: I’m okay with that. I’m okay with it because I can see what’s growing out of me as I step further along the path of my Domdentity. This pace allows the woman in her to hold onto the man in me for love and protection, while the man in me holds on and loves and protects the child in her. As we hold this delicate balance, the woman in her remains captive to the freedom she's always enjoyed; and the child in her lives free to enjoy her new found captivity.

"She takes just like a woman, yes, she does

She makes love just like a woman, yes, she does

And she aches just like a woman

But she breaks just like a little girl".
Bob Dylan, Just Like A Woman

photo credit: Lovelei