"No Fear of Falling"

I still find it remarkable that I trust my wife. It’s not her or anything she did – it was me. My ability to trust was once shattered by infidelity in a previous relationship. You can imagine how crushed, how broken hearted, how angry I was when my previous girlfriend told me she had sold herself to her previous boyfriends for fifty dollars a pop!  I vowed that I would never let that happen again; vowed that in the future, I would be careful and watchful. I never wanted to know pain like that again. Unfortunately, I carried this "watching" attitude into my early relationship with SugarAnne. Every time she turned around I was giving her the, "Who, What, Where, When and Why?" interrogation.

"Who were you with?" "What were you doing?" "When did you leave there?" "Where did you go then?" "Why didn't you call me?!"

This just frightened the dickens out of the poor girl because her previous boyfriend had been jealous, insecure, possessive and controlling. It turned out that she was as afraid of control as I was of being hurt. Talk about diametrically opposed needs! That's when I realized that I had to stop trying to impose my will on our relationship in this way. I realized that in order to get the love I sought (that we sought) I had to open myself up to the possibility of being hurt. Not easy. But necessary.
Three things helped me accomplish this. The first was communication. We began to talk about our experiences in relationships. We talked about our likes and dislikes; about who we were and what our desires were. We began to talk about our ideas and what the future might look like. Through communication respect, the second thing, developed.  I began to appreciate her, admire her, adore her and in many respects be in awe of her. I came to value her thoughts, her ideas and her opinions. As time passed and our experiences unfolded, our relationship grew. All the while trust, the third thing, developed. I began to trust that I could count on her in times of need; that I could count on her to protect my heart; and ultimately, that I could trust the promise that she made to me at the altar nearly 10 years ago: the promise that she will always be there.

Communication, Respect and Trust: when these three are braided together in relationship, like three legs of a stool they rise and connect to a platform of love. A platform on which we both can lean or sit or stand without fear of falling. But take one away? The whole thing will come crumbling down. We have come close to that over the years. Trust has never been broken but we have, in the past, spent more than a season or two limping upon a peg substituting itself for communication. And a lack of communication, as you might imagine, is trained to eat respect until it pukes up your relationship into the pile of statistics in George Gallup's garage. But, I truly believe, those challenges in their previous form, are behind us now.

We continue to lean on this stool because we're confident that it's strong enough to hold us up. We sit on this stool because we have faith that we can rest easy in its strength (although it may be uncomfortable for SugarAnne to sit from time to time).  And we stand on this stool like two overjoyed 16 year-olds swept up in a victory celebration because - it is the platform of our love. 

On this stool we have no fear of falling.